I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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