thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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