Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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