Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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