Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
