I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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