she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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