i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
