I accidentally had phone sex last night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
