okay pat passed out under dana's car
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
