careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
