I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
