her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
