I'm really into asian looking animals
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
