and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
