rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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