I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
