I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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