She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
