Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
