he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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