another moral hangover. fuck.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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