Will you blow on my dice?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
