Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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