my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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