you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
