she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
