All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
