We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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