I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
