it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
