The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
