How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if only i could text you this smell
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
