Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize