1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
