Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
