so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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