If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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