I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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