I think I died a long time ago.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it's like iHOP with fire
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
