.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
