On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just want nice things and good sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
