If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
