And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
