we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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