I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
