You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
