Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
