I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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