so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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