Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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