my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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