Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
