I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
