i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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