this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
