VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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