Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
