that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
