I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
