her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
