Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
