my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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