May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
